We are learning how to make our narratives more interesting
by adding details, and having different perspectives. Here is
Miss Ashley’s example.
by adding details, and having different perspectives. Here is
Miss Ashley’s example.
Dialogue - told from another POV. fisherman/dad looking up
at her.
at her.
Intro - she almost falls and screams, someone in the water
hears her and looks up.
hears her and looks up.
Orientation - Elizabeth Bella Levedes
Hazel eyes, favourite sport is netball, liked dragonfruit, has
blonde hair, tanned, loves climbing, Maori, tall, 19 year olds,
personal trainer at CityFitness, McDonalds, Christchurch.
blonde hair, tanned, loves climbing, Maori, tall, 19 year olds,
personal trainer at CityFitness, McDonalds, Christchurch.
Problem: her hand slips and she dangles from the cliff, almost
falls off.
falls off.
Solution: swings around and is able to climb back up. When
she gets to the top.
she gets to the top.
Conclusion - told from another POV.
“Ahhhhhh” screamed a distant voice. John turned towards the noise
and squinted in an attempt to see where the noise had come from. He
couldn’t see from his position on the ocean, but the scream had come
from the cliff face. He wondered if anybody needed help,
but knew there was nothing
he could do.
and squinted in an attempt to see where the noise had come from. He
couldn’t see from his position on the ocean, but the scream had come
from the cliff face. He wondered if anybody needed help,
but knew there was nothing
he could do.
Elizabeth Bella Levedes opened her hazel eyes to her pitch black
bedroom - her purple curtains were open but the sun had not yet risen.
She stretched out her long limbs which felt tired from the gym
yesterday.
Her personal training business was really starting to pick up. She stood
up, rubbed the sleep out her eyes, tying her blonde hair up in a
ponytail and stumbled towards her wardrobe. On went the black
leggings, on went the dark green t-shirt, on went the climbing shoes,
on went the beanie. She mumbled to herself “I don’t know if that Big
Mac for dinner was a good idea....” She grabbed some apricot muesli
bars and walked out to her car. Trusty old Honda civic. She turned on the
engine, trying to be quiet, and drove towards Mt Doom.
bedroom - her purple curtains were open but the sun had not yet risen.
She stretched out her long limbs which felt tired from the gym
yesterday.
Her personal training business was really starting to pick up. She stood
up, rubbed the sleep out her eyes, tying her blonde hair up in a
ponytail and stumbled towards her wardrobe. On went the black
leggings, on went the dark green t-shirt, on went the climbing shoes,
on went the beanie. She mumbled to herself “I don’t know if that Big
Mac for dinner was a good idea....” She grabbed some apricot muesli
bars and walked out to her car. Trusty old Honda civic. She turned on the
engine, trying to be quiet, and drove towards Mt Doom.
Putting on her harness, she felt confident and strong. She clipped herself
into the carabiner and put her left foot onto the rock. Left foot, right foot,
left arm, right arm, over and over. After an hour of climbing she stopped
for a rest. She pulled out one of her favourite apricot muesli bars from
her backpack and munched on it, staring out at the horizon. She could
see a small fishing boat cruising around the lagoon. The sun was
starting to peek out over the top of an island, creating a stunning radial
effect. It made her soul happy. After ten minutes of admiring the view,
she got ready to climb again. She stood up quickly and her left foot
slipped on some loose rocks. Her heart leapt out of her chest as she
scrambled to grab on again. A panicked scream escaped her mouth.
Her pink painted fingernails scratched against the cliff face to in a vain
attempt to grip something - anything! Sweat was rolling down her
forehead and her heart was thumping. Her arms were tired and she
slipped down the cliff face. 2 meters down, arms still trying to grip onto t
he cliff. 5 meters down, still nothing. She fell 20 meters before her rope
caught her weight and she dangled on the cliff face, clinging to the rope
that had just literally saved her life.
into the carabiner and put her left foot onto the rock. Left foot, right foot,
left arm, right arm, over and over. After an hour of climbing she stopped
for a rest. She pulled out one of her favourite apricot muesli bars from
her backpack and munched on it, staring out at the horizon. She could
see a small fishing boat cruising around the lagoon. The sun was
starting to peek out over the top of an island, creating a stunning radial
effect. It made her soul happy. After ten minutes of admiring the view,
she got ready to climb again. She stood up quickly and her left foot
slipped on some loose rocks. Her heart leapt out of her chest as she
scrambled to grab on again. A panicked scream escaped her mouth.
Her pink painted fingernails scratched against the cliff face to in a vain
attempt to grip something - anything! Sweat was rolling down her
forehead and her heart was thumping. Her arms were tired and she
slipped down the cliff face. 2 meters down, arms still trying to grip onto t
he cliff. 5 meters down, still nothing. She fell 20 meters before her rope
caught her weight and she dangled on the cliff face, clinging to the rope
that had just literally saved her life.
After a few minutes of catching her breath, she pulled herself up again
using the ropes. Her foot found new foot holds and she started climbing
again. Left foot, right foot, left arm, right arm, slowly and carefully. She
didn’t trust the rock anymore, and didn’t want to slip again. She
remembered the piece of rock where she had rested, and avoided it
like the plague. She didn’t want to slip and fall again. Another hour later
and she was almost at the top, covered in dirt and feeling exhausted.
using the ropes. Her foot found new foot holds and she started climbing
again. Left foot, right foot, left arm, right arm, slowly and carefully. She
didn’t trust the rock anymore, and didn’t want to slip again. She
remembered the piece of rock where she had rested, and avoided it
like the plague. She didn’t want to slip and fall again. Another hour later
and she was almost at the top, covered in dirt and feeling exhausted.
John looked over his shoulder as he heard yet another scream. This one
didn’t sound afraid like the first one that he heard a few hours ago. This
one sounded happy. He scanned the cliff face and saw a tiny silhouette
of a person at the very edge of the cliff, right at the top. The figure had
gotten to the top. “Good on them” he thought, and he began hauling in
his net.
didn’t sound afraid like the first one that he heard a few hours ago. This
one sounded happy. He scanned the cliff face and saw a tiny silhouette
of a person at the very edge of the cliff, right at the top. The figure had
gotten to the top. “Good on them” he thought, and he began hauling in
his net.
